FAQ Regarding the 7 Common Fears Associated with Conceiving with Donor Eggs.
February 3rd, 2024
You Are Not Alone
When you are faced with the decision of using donor eggs, it is often not your initial choice or the outcome you envisioned. Many have persevered through the challenges of infertility, only to be confronted with one option.
This sudden turn of events can evoke feelings of fear, uncertainty, confusion, and even isolation. Reaching this point, after giving your all to create the family you desire, can be incredibly difficult to come to terms with. Having counseled +800 couples for the past 13 years, I can confidently affirm that every emotion and apprehension you experience is completely normal. Your sentiments are shared by many others, and although the infertility community may seem reserved, you are far from being alone.
Throughout our work with women facing this decision, we have encountered seven common fears that echos down through the years.
1. I will not form an emotional connection with my baby.
Understanding the concept of using another woman's eggs to conceive your baby can be quite challenging. It’s understandable that this idea may cross your mind, and you should know that you are not alone. However, it’s important to note that this feeling is uncommon. The accounts of mothers who have conceived children through donor eggs demonstrate their complete and unwavering acceptance of their baby as their own.
2. I will carry a sense of sadness knowing that I am not the biological mother of my child.
There is no doubt that you will unquestionably be the biological mother. The biological foundation underlies the entire process of pregnancy, childbirth, and even breastfeeding. When you use a donor egg, the genetic makeup of the baby originates from the donor and remains unchangeable. However, it is important to understand that the person who carries the baby also contributes to the manner in which the genes are expressed. This phenomenon is commonly referred to as the “epigenetic effect.”
3. My child may eventually say, “You are not my biological mother.”
Children see their parents as the ones who take care of them, spend quality time with them, shower them with love, and provide guidance. It's highly unlikely for children to express this sentiment directly. Even if they do, it’s often a form of “teen code” that actually means “I’m frustrated with how you control my life, and I want to hurt you.” Be assured that your child may never express this verbally, and it’s primarily resides in your own mind.
4. My child will not be accepted by my family..
If your family holds strong traditional values and places great importance on genetics as the fundamental family connection, the idea of egg donation may appear to be a significant leap. In such cases, you have the option to withhold this information from them. You can choose to share it at a later time or even decide not to share it at all. The timing of revealing this to your family and your inner circle is something to consider as well. Don't hesitate to seek guidance from a counselor to assist you in making this decision. We have families from different religious backgrounds who have chosen not to disclose the fact that they have two or more children from donor eggs to their families.
5. My child will become confused if I tell.
There is an abundance of readily available information on this subject that is reassuring and will put you at ease. When children are raised with the understanding that their parent(s) received assistance in order for them to be born, and it is never treated as a forbidden topic, children do not feel bewildered. Experts suggest telling donor-conceived children during their preschool or school- age years. Telling kids early on means they always know the truth about their origins. This way, they have time to absorb the information gradually and accept it as a natural part of their identity and family
6. Opting to conceive through the use of donor eggs can be perceived as a self-centered choice.
Nonsense. Acknowledge and appreciate yourself for the immense desire you have to be a parent and for the care you provide to your child even before they are born. You have gone through numerous challenges to bring your child into this world, all driven by your love and concern for them. You have carefully evaluated your choices and concluded that this is the best decision for you.
7. Donors are just doing this for money and may be lying about their family health history.
Why do people donate? This is a question that is often asked. After interviewing numerous donors, I have found that they are usually thoughtful, well-informed individuals who receive support from their loved ones. However, financial compensation does play a role in their decision. Nevertheless, they also have a genuine desire to help others.
Many donors are motivated by the opportunity to assist a family in their journey to parenthood. They do not view their donation as giving up a child, but rather as providing the essential building blocks for creating a baby. Additionally, they make an effort to consider their family history before making a decision.
From working with donors they are open and honest, and they are not driven by desperation for money.
Do you have further concerns about using donor egg?
Please call or contact us to alleviate your worries!
