Transitioning To Egg Donation
Making the Emotional Transition to Egg Donation
Making the emotional transition to egg donation involves various stages for women who have faced difficulties in conceiving. It may be suggested by a fertility specialist after initial screenings, indicating that egg donation is the most suitable path. Alternatively, if previous IVF treatment attempts have been unsuccessful, you may now be contemplating the use of donor eggs. Understandably, this recommendation can be emotionally challenging.
Your current feelings are a result of your thought process, particularly because you are missing important information and probably don’t have someone who understands what you are feeling to talk to about it.
Through my professional experience assisting couples facing infertility issues, I have gained insight into the challenging journey that women undergo when contemplating the use of donor eggs. This journey is typically filled with emotions such as anger, resentment, fear, and grief. Despite the complexities involved, there appears to be a common pattern that emerges during this transition. While not exhaustive, the information I’ve provided here serves as a starting point for you to understand that third party reproduction is a good choice if no other option is possible.
I have coached and guided over 800 women in dispelling the myths surrounding egg donation and through their egg donation program. Rest assured, by approaching the process logically and maintaining a sense of calm, you will come to a place of acceptance and recognize the true value of your decision.
It is understandable that each one of us has their own way of processing their thoughts and emotions, making it impossible for anyone to truly feel the same way as you do.
I won’t attempt to persuade you right now to view things from my perspective, but always remember that you have my complete support and you’re not alone.
Allow me to clarify the process and address some of the common questions that the women who rely on me often bring up during our initial meeting.
Personally, I was adopted prior to my birth, and later in life, my wife and I resorted to IVF after experiencing two ectopic pregnancies. Following three cycles, we were given the gift of twins, who are now 22 years old.
A : Right after my birth, I was separated from my biological mother. I learned about my adoption when I was a preteen, as my parents wanted to prepare me in case a family member “accidentally” mentioned it. Despite this revelation, my feelings remained unchanged. Looking back now 48 years later, I am grateful for the love and caring my parents gave me, shaping me into the person I am today.
A : The straightforward answer is an immense feeling of love and appreciation. The topic of the mother-infant relationship is complex and cannot be easily summarized. Despite reading numerous white papers from reputable sources such as the Journal of Family Psychology, it is clear that there is still much uncertainty among doctors and researchers on this. For instance, one white paper suggests that “further research is necessary to pinpoint women who may struggle with the transition to parenthood through egg donation.” Based on my discussions with our recipients, I can honestly say that I have yet to encounter a mother who was unable to form a connection with the baby they gave birth to and had been dreaming of forever. It goes without saying that I have encountered women who postponed an egg donation program due to their reluctance in embracing the idea of a third-person involvement for conception. As you come to terms with the need for assistance in conceiving, it might appear as a distant possibility now, making it difficult to anticipate your emotions later. However, I can guarantee you that all the women I have coached and guided through our program in the past were unable to comprehend why they had delayed embarking on this journey of faith and initiating the process earlier.
A : The answer to these questions relies on a new science called epigenetics. Epigenetics examines how behaviors and environment can impact gene function. Unlike genetic changes, epigenetic changes are reversible and do not alter DNA sequence, but they can influence how the body interprets DNA. The bottom line of what I have just explained is YES! As the mother carrying the fetus, you also play a role in influencing how the fetus’s genes are expressed, which is referred to as the epigenetic effect. From what I have seen after hundreds of babies, it is evident that many share similar traits with their mothers and/or parents, while others show fewer similarities. This phenomenon holds true for naturally conceived children as well. In truth, it all comes down to “motivated perception,” meaning we see what we want to see.
Here is a quick overview of the SET preparation
The embryo transfer procedure typically lasts between 15 to 25 minutes.
The preparation of your endometrium starts at the onset of your menstrual cycle and typically spans around 14 days, although it may extend up to 21 days to attain an endometrial thickness ranging from 7mm to 10mm. To achieve the desired thickness, your OB-GYN will recommend a mild protocol of estrogen and progesterone. Following the embryo transfer, it will take approximately 48 hours for the implantation process to start. As we only use blastocyst embryos (five days), your first Beta-hCG test will be on the ninth day post transfer.
In the event I am not pregnant…
It is important to remain calm. Despite the disappointment, it is important to acknowledge that in some cases of donor-assisted conception, two embryo transfers may be necessary for one successful implantation. This can happen when the endometrium is unresponsive and requires a second embryo transfer to initiate the four-stage implantation process.
Potential of a miscarriage
Using donor eggs lowers the chances of miscarriage (±16 percent) in most women since egg donors are younger, resulting in better results. The fertilization of younger and healthier eggs from a donor also decreases the risk of chromosomal abnormalities significantly. Additionally, the donor egg IVF procedure includes thorough screening of the donor to confirm her good health and low risk of genetic disorders, further minimizing the risk of a miscarriage since genetic disorders can play a major role in pregnancy loss. I will conclude here and give you some time to reflect on the information provided above. Once you have gone through it and if you wish to discuss your story, I am always here to talk. Please feel free to reach out to me. All I request is your trust so that my team and I can manage your preparation and SET program.
Our aim is to eliminate any unnecessary stress while taking part in our program, allowing you the space and freedom to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally. If we succeed in reducing your stress levels and minimizing the production of cortisol (the stress hormone) in your body, you will feel better and potentially overcome another obstacle that can affect conception.Please note that all the subjects mentioned above, including epigenetics, miscarriages, endometrium preparation, stress and infertility, and many others, are covered extensively in my handbook, which can be downloaded here.
Furthermore, I warmly welcome you to reach out to me with any inquiries you may have via email, text message, or by scheduling a call in advance. Rest assured that my consultations are always provided free of charge and are not limited in time.
Download Our "Guide To Donor Assisted IVF"
This comprehensive guide has been created based on a decade's worth of frequently asked questions from our intended parents regarding the egg donation program and the various stages involved, from the beginning of the process to the post-embryo transfer period. If you are unable to find the information you are seeking, please do not hesitate to reach out to us for further assistance.
DOWNLOADMaking the Emotional Transition to Egg Donation
Making the emotional transition to egg donation involves various stages for women who have faced difficulties in conceiving. It may be suggested by a fertility specialist after initial screenings, indicating that egg donation is the most suitable path. Alternatively, if previous IVF treatment attempts have been unsuccessful, you may now be contemplating the use of donor eggs. Understandably, this recommendation can be emotionally challenging.
Your current feelings are a result of your thought process, particularly because you are missing important information and probably don’t have someone who understands what you are feeling to talk to about it.
Through my professional experience assisting couples facing infertility issues, I have gained insight into the challenging journey that women undergo when contemplating the use of donor eggs. This journey is typically filled with emotions such as anger, resentment, fear, and grief. Despite the complexities involved, there appears to be a common pattern that emerges during this transition. While not exhaustive, the information I’ve provided here serves as a starting point for you to understand that third party reproduction is a good choice if no other option is possible.
